Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
