Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
