the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
