Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
