I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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