Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
