your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
