So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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