Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
