I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
