mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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