i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize