Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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