the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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