when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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