I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
