just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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