GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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