Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
