the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
