I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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