I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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