my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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