Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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