spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
