her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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