last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
