so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
