my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
