The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
