So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize