if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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