they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
