I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
