You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
