I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
