Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
