just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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