Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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