youre lurking in front of me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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