Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
