hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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