He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
