She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
