Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
