after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
our cab driver is having phone sex.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
