She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
