she looked like the before picture.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
