whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
