i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
