He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
