party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
