I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
should my penis look like a turkey
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
