your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
