Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she woke up with a sticky ear
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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