well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i am craving dick and cupcakes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize