My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
