We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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