Capitaan dildo arrescate!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
