I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
