The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
