I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
