In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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