my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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