I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
