I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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