May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
